It’s standingin the shower with your eyes closed and the water turned just hotterthan you can stand it, wishing it could burn away everything that’s wrong with you, even though you want to believe it when they say there is nothing wrong.
It’s noticing every single change, the twinkle of an eye, the grimace on their face and knowing you were the one who caused it.
It’s trying your best and letting everyone down over and over again, until you ask yourself if anything is ever worth it.
And is it the way you talk, walk or act? Is it because you said too much, or because you didn’t say enough?
It’s smilingas genuinely as you can and tryingto brighten other peoples days so they don’t feel like you do.
And it’s feeling numb, just so you don’t feel anything else. And it’s a million times worse.